blogs are
like torches shone into the dark, light travelling into infinity, wondering if anyone would respond.
And so today I shine yet another torch into the dark.
Intimacy.
Was shopping with a friend today, (gosh love shopping) and we went over an issue that has been popping up rather frequently in our conversations these days. One of our friends is dating a non-Christian and she was acting in all manner of oddness of late - flaring up, getting into ups and downs in moods. It didn't sound like the usual PMS.
'Could be the guilt of it,' remarked my friend.
I guess it's the proverbial guilt and shame of knowingly disobeying God causing all that craziness in her. It's nothing new. As we sighed heavily over 'teh' and ice-cream, I gleaned much wisdom that reinforced what I've learnt after being in a non-Christian relationship and having survived its break-up (thanks to much rehabilitation by the Holy Spirit and admissions to a mental institution. Yes, it's that toublesome!).
1. Women who gravitate to men who want to listen to their problems probably have an issues relating with men on a platonic level. Their inability to relate to men on a neutral stance, e.g. not problem-based makes them relate to men who tend to listen to women with problems. Therefore, bringing two individuals who have unhealthy ways of relating to the opposite sex together, setting them up for a toxic relationship.
2. Women who behave like this tend to have a low self-esteem. They do not have the confidence to relate with men on an equal platform. They tend to take on a 'damsel in distress' persona, thus creating an opportunity for men who need to exercise their 'powers of rescue' on them. Men like that need to validate their manhood through such ways. I believe this is popularly known as the 'Saviour Complex'.
3. Both get along fine at first until the 'problematic girlfriend' beings to wear the boyfriend out. Very soon her issues with the world turns into her issues about him - why is he not giving her enough re-assurance, why doesn't he tell her he loves her more often, why don't they make love as often as they use to etc. He tries to placate her and give into her demands but he cannot sustain for long because he realises her insecurities go deeper than mere needs of a relationship. It has got to do with her self-image and esteem. This increases his already present sense of inadequacy, making him think all the more lousy about himself as the situation with needy girlfriend gets more out of hand.
4. They quarrel and realise that they are not fit for each other. By that time they would have invested so much into the relationship that breaking up would be really painful. They try to salvage as much as they can. They realise they can't and they break-up eventually.
This need for intimacy has manifested in so many ways in all of us. For those unfortunate enough to get into an entangled situation of a relationship like that, healing is difficult. But in Jesus all things are possible. Today, I celebrate His majesty and power in my life.
Jesus, this blog is for you!
Little girls need companionship. I recommend for those people who crave for a man to fill their need to go to their girlfriends instead. In girl friendships, intimacy is met by shared struggles about life. The need for activity is easily accomplished through common interests like shopping and hair. Conversations can be problematic and highly sticky without the sickening feeling of sexual tension between with a man. Best of all there is no guilt to reciprocate a man's feelings after he has spent hours listening.
In friendships with women, feelings of hurt can be dealt with through long conversations and prayer which women are adept at. For me, I healed so well after my friend Michelle willingly spent 16 hours with me talking and praying with me when I found out my ex was seeing somebody else. We met for lunch and talked all the way to 11pm - till I found the courage to go home alone.
She spent hours talking to me in her kitchen over many glasses of cold water sharing her own experience getting over her ex and imparting knowledge and wisdom to help me get through my situation. I can't thank her enough for the time she spent with me.
I am healed and much better now. I can't imagine my life without Jesus' intervention and the people he sent to get through those days. I pray the same for this friend of mine. I hope she finds her security in Christ and stop looking for love in the wrong places.
=)
And so today I shine yet another torch into the dark.
Intimacy.
Was shopping with a friend today, (gosh love shopping) and we went over an issue that has been popping up rather frequently in our conversations these days. One of our friends is dating a non-Christian and she was acting in all manner of oddness of late - flaring up, getting into ups and downs in moods. It didn't sound like the usual PMS.
'Could be the guilt of it,' remarked my friend.
I guess it's the proverbial guilt and shame of knowingly disobeying God causing all that craziness in her. It's nothing new. As we sighed heavily over 'teh' and ice-cream, I gleaned much wisdom that reinforced what I've learnt after being in a non-Christian relationship and having survived its break-up (thanks to much rehabilitation by the Holy Spirit and admissions to a mental institution. Yes, it's that toublesome!).
1. Women who gravitate to men who want to listen to their problems probably have an issues relating with men on a platonic level. Their inability to relate to men on a neutral stance, e.g. not problem-based makes them relate to men who tend to listen to women with problems. Therefore, bringing two individuals who have unhealthy ways of relating to the opposite sex together, setting them up for a toxic relationship.
2. Women who behave like this tend to have a low self-esteem. They do not have the confidence to relate with men on an equal platform. They tend to take on a 'damsel in distress' persona, thus creating an opportunity for men who need to exercise their 'powers of rescue' on them. Men like that need to validate their manhood through such ways. I believe this is popularly known as the 'Saviour Complex'.
3. Both get along fine at first until the 'problematic girlfriend' beings to wear the boyfriend out. Very soon her issues with the world turns into her issues about him - why is he not giving her enough re-assurance, why doesn't he tell her he loves her more often, why don't they make love as often as they use to etc. He tries to placate her and give into her demands but he cannot sustain for long because he realises her insecurities go deeper than mere needs of a relationship. It has got to do with her self-image and esteem. This increases his already present sense of inadequacy, making him think all the more lousy about himself as the situation with needy girlfriend gets more out of hand.
4. They quarrel and realise that they are not fit for each other. By that time they would have invested so much into the relationship that breaking up would be really painful. They try to salvage as much as they can. They realise they can't and they break-up eventually.
This need for intimacy has manifested in so many ways in all of us. For those unfortunate enough to get into an entangled situation of a relationship like that, healing is difficult. But in Jesus all things are possible. Today, I celebrate His majesty and power in my life.
Jesus, this blog is for you!
Little girls need companionship. I recommend for those people who crave for a man to fill their need to go to their girlfriends instead. In girl friendships, intimacy is met by shared struggles about life. The need for activity is easily accomplished through common interests like shopping and hair. Conversations can be problematic and highly sticky without the sickening feeling of sexual tension between with a man. Best of all there is no guilt to reciprocate a man's feelings after he has spent hours listening.
In friendships with women, feelings of hurt can be dealt with through long conversations and prayer which women are adept at. For me, I healed so well after my friend Michelle willingly spent 16 hours with me talking and praying with me when I found out my ex was seeing somebody else. We met for lunch and talked all the way to 11pm - till I found the courage to go home alone.
She spent hours talking to me in her kitchen over many glasses of cold water sharing her own experience getting over her ex and imparting knowledge and wisdom to help me get through my situation. I can't thank her enough for the time she spent with me.
I am healed and much better now. I can't imagine my life without Jesus' intervention and the people he sent to get through those days. I pray the same for this friend of mine. I hope she finds her security in Christ and stop looking for love in the wrong places.
=)
posted by Bunny at 10:08 PM
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